WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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