I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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