i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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