just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
