dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
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Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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