I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
