ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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