careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
