i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
