I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
