he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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