In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Never joke about your clitoris.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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