Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
