Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
