Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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