My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
