I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.