Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
