do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
