thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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