You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
