he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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