Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
