There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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