Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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