can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
