then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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