I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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