420 ftw
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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