You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
