you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize