I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
