why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
