piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.