Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag