I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head