Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake