my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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