hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
