Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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