shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
