youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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