the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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