My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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