sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Come see our sink grown plant.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
