So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
