Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
