wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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