Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
