it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
