I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
