my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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