Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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