Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
