To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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