i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
