I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?