He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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