So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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