My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I look better un-naked...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
