Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
