Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
